Monday, November 16, 2009

In Which I Do, In Fact, Challenge A Celebrity To A Duel

So, I have this tendency to undertake crackpot projects. This is another one of those. But hilarity will, I'm sure, ensue!

This one was sparked as I wondered whether celebrities Google themselves. My sister assures me that they do. She knows this because apparently last summer she was a camp counselor for the daughter of a prominent musician, and said daughter confirmed it. This means that, through my sister, I am now fewer than six degrees from Kevin Bacon. It also means that, through our mutual insecurity and dependence on technology, we are now closer to our appointed luminaries than we have ever been. Interactive experiences are now possible with the rarefied world we usually just watch. More to the point, I can now mess with celebrities' heads too.

My idea is this. If I called out someone famous on my blog, how likely is it that a random Google search would turn up my blog and they would take me up on my challenge? I don't know, but I'm going to find out.

Now, in order for this to work, I have to pick my celebrity carefully. My criteria are as follows:

  1. It has to be someone only moderately famous. People like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt know exactly what people think of them. It's in just about every magazine you see at just about every grocery store. I'm sure they employ people to Google their names for them so they can concentrate on adopting African children and allegedly fighting with each other.
  2. Public opinion must still be vital to them on a smaller scale. There are plenty of people who are famous enough that everybody could suddenly decide to hate them and it still wouldn't make too much of a dent in their lifestyle. They don't need to work, and they get almost as much publicity mileage out of being a has-been as they do out of being a star (cf. Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, everyone who was ever in a boy band.)
  3. My target needs to be someone who's likely to have a devoted Internet following, so that random blogs would more accurately represent their target demographic than, say, Us Weekly. (Which should more honestly be named People Who Are Nothing Like Us Weekly.) They also need to have enough of a technological bent themselves to be likely to self-Google and blog-surf for fun.
  4. They must possess a sense of humor to which dueling an anonymous twentysomething in the Midwest would be amusing. Or at least the sort of thing that could be milked for witty commentary.

I choose Scott Adams, cartoonist and author to the wonky-tied, cynical, weaselly common man. I choose him for all the above reasons and because I'm reading one of his books at the moment. Also, he has my dream job-- to have people pay you gobs of money for the privilege of listening to all the clever shit you say. From what I can tell, he's pretty responsive to reader e-mail and blog comments, so this sort of thing may not be entirely outside his sphere. Also, the six degrees of nerd separation virtually guarantees that someone I know will know someone who knows someone who used to fix his air conditioner. Or maybe Kevin Bacon's air conditioner. That's close enough.

The challenge is the simple, time-honored one of old: Nerf guns at dawn. At fifty paces I will turn and fire to defend my honor, almost as though I still had any. The loser will thus be shamed and probably have to buy a round of beer or something. (This was going to be the first in a veritable dorkathalon of events, but I didn't want to scare him off. Also, I mostly just liked the idea because I got to use the word "dorkathalon.")  So, Scott Adams, the gauntlet has been thrown! Until you respond or I forget to do it, I will make the odds of you finding my blog more likely by including asides to you in each entry.

And there we have it. Check out the new Word of the Day, and goodnight, Scott Adams, wherever you are.

Posted by Silent Five @ 9:37 PM

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Word of the Week

gymnosophy [jim-NAH-so-fee]

n. Philosophical, amusing, or nonsensical insights realized when naked, as in the shower or in bed. (recent coinage: att. S. Galasso, 2010)

Victoria and Albert enjoyed a spot of postprandial concupiscence culminating in a night of gymnosophy and coffee and crumpets at dawn.

The Silent Top Five: Bacon-Flavored Desserts

1) Bacon cheesecake.
2) Bacon gumballs.
3) Bacon ice cream.
4) Bacon-orange bars.
5) Bacon apple pie.

Standard Disclaimer

This is all in no way meant to incur copyright-infringement-related wrath. I'm harmless. I promise. Oh, and if you're offended by anything I may post herein, I guarantee I didn't mean to do so (unless, of course, you are a humorless prig. In which case, go right on and be offended, with my blessings.)