Monday, November 09, 2009
"Real Adulthood," whatever that is.
When I enumerate my daily accomplishments, I often catch myself saying something like "I (took out the trash/paid my bills/had dinner with a couple of friends/removed my own appendix) just like a real adult!" People who hear this usually respond in one of two ways: a) shake their head and say that I am a real adult, or b) pat me on the head and remind me that I will never be a real adult. I will leave it up to your mercies to decide which is truer.
The thing is, what is "real adulthood?" Before I was supposed to be a real adult, I thought of adulthood as something that would inevitably happen when I reached the age of majority, i.e. the condition in which one finds oneself when one is no longer a real child. Then once I turned 18, I assumed real adulthood would land upon me when I left college and went out into the "real world." (At least I realized even then that college was an idyllic fantasyland that bore little resemblance to the way my life would actually go.) Now, two and a half years out of college and eyeball deep in the real world, I still don't feel like a real adult.
I read in a book on parenting (don't ask why I read books on parenting; no, Mom, I'm not pregnant) that people in this country consider the age of real adulthood to be twenty-six. This makes me feel a little better in that I've got another year and a bit to go, so there's still time to figure how to make it work properly. That just leaves the question: If I don't feel like a real adult now even when I'm living on my own and making my own money, what has to happen before I do? And can I make all that happen by age twenty-six?
Here are some things I consider to be milestones that point to real adulthood:
- Relative financial independence. This comes to mind because I've just spent two hours on hold waiting to take over my mother's iPass account, the last apron string but one. (I am still on the cell phone plan shared by the whole family, but I pay for my line and my usage, so I feel okay about that one.)
- Planning and executing your own vacation. Technically, I've done this. I've even done it in a foreign language. This was, however, during my semester abroad, which was entirely sponsored by the generosity of various extended family, so I don't feel it counts. I will need to decide to take a vacation, fit it into my work schedule, save up for it, book it, and return from it alive in order to earn the real adult merit badge.
- Having dental insurance. Now, I've got medical, thanks to the bizarre happenstance of being a government employee (seriously, that's really weird to think about.) I did not opt into the dental plan when I was hired, because I was medium-impoverished at the time. I think there should be a dental merit badge too, because nothing says "adult" like actually remembering to floss.
- Knowing things about wine. Classy things, like how to identify a "floral nose" or "undertones of chocolate, peat moss, and dismembered vintner's apprentice."
- Hosting at least one dinner party to which you invite more than two people you're neither related to nor dating. I have not done this, because I consider "dinner party" to be more elaborate than "Jessa coming over and the two of us raiding the fridge." Also, I know very few people who do not fall into one of those two categories.
- Being able to make small talk about the stock market without sounding imbecilic. My first mate is a financial adviser. He's made valiant attempts to explain several economic theories to me, and he's had his best success with a metaphor involving squirrel trafficking. I feel I may need a more sophisticated understanding before I bring the discussion out in public.
- Becoming more centered and spiritually fulfilled. Or at least coming to a better understanding than "Uh, I kind of believe in the Force, I guess? Also, don't be a dick."
- Owning a black cocktail dress. Which you actually wear out for cocktails. Someplace where the football game is not on a gigantic screen on the wall and where most of the people are not undergraduates. Speaks for itself
P.S. Check out the Word of the Week to your right. See if you can use it at least once this week!
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See, now I feel like I've failed, as I've passed the 26-year mark, but don't wear my black cocktail dress anywhere fancy.
I don't have dental insurance anymore. Can my "real adult" status be repealed? Having achieved adulthood, can you then move into post-adulthood?
So, I guess I feel like a quasi-adult then?
My status on these points
* Relative financial independence.
ok, I make enough for myself but can I support Kyle and I? Almost but not quite.
* Planning and executing your own vacation.
check-back packing trip and trip to NC complete with rental car
* Having dental insurance.
check, need this with my history
* Knowing things about wine.
does knowing more than your husband count?
* Hosting at least one dinner party to which you invite more than two people you're neither related to nor dating.
will you come over for one, or do we not count because we might as well be related?
* Being able to make small talk about the stock market without sounding imbecilic.
this will never happen
* Becoming more centered and spiritually fulfilled.
also probably not happening
* Owning a black cocktail dress.
check on the owning and wearing
Hmm. I feel like you're conflating "adult" and "upper middle class" to some degree.
Also, keep up the good work! I've been enjoying your writing enormously so far.