Sunday, November 22, 2009

Happy Holidays!

Today is International* School Uniform Appreciation Day. Happy Holidays, all!

*And by "international" I mean "made up by me."

Let me say that I love the holidays. I do appreciate the light dusting of peace and goodwill that, like snow, covers most towns, even though they both melt away pretty easily. I like singing Christmas carols. I enjoy the smell of pine. I'm always delighted with the tradition of covering one's house with shiny, twinkly, blinky things. (I cannot drive during the holiday season because I spend too much time staring at the pretty lights.) Most of all, I enjoy my family's thoroughly dysfunctional holiday traditions. A few examples: There was "Pirate Christmas," where we all dressed up in costumes for dinner. At every holiday we have a postprandial drunken Apples to Apples game, which lasts until someone wins, we get tired of shouting at each other, or we run out of wine. And who can forget the year when, in lieu of a tree, we wrapped Christmas lights around my father's IV pole and stuck an angel on top? (That was not the first or the last time my younger sister accused us all of ruining Christmas, but it was certainly the funniest.)

By and large, though, our winter holidays have become expensive, stressful purchasing competitions, more about showing off how much you made that year and trying to spend a week with your extended family without killing them. This is why most of my favorite holidays are made up. Like International School Uniform Appreciation Day, which I celebrated by wearing white stockings and a plaid skirt. Mad genius Jenna Borgstrom has already declared January 15th Writing Real Person Slash About the Pope Day, a holiday I plan to celebrate to the mind-searing best of my ability. I will then share the fruits of my excruciating labors with you, because we always hurt the ones we love. And I love you, illusory internet friends. I love you hard.

 Your turn, Figure Five Home Gamers! Let's make up some new holidays and see if we can get them to catch on! (Like Festivus, except with less Seinfeld.) How about Scott Adams Day, where we all wear curly ties and spend the day saying withering things about management?

Posted by Silent Five @ 8:22 PM

Read or Post a Comment

Now if only you'd given us a school uniform pic to commemorate the holiday :)

Posted by Blogger als4bsds @ 10:24 AM #

today was "I think I have Bronchitis Day" but that sounds like no fun so. How about International play fetch with a dog day?

Posted by Blogger Katie @ 4:42 PM #
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Word of the Week

gymnosophy [jim-NAH-so-fee]

n. Philosophical, amusing, or nonsensical insights realized when naked, as in the shower or in bed. (recent coinage: att. S. Galasso, 2010)

Victoria and Albert enjoyed a spot of postprandial concupiscence culminating in a night of gymnosophy and coffee and crumpets at dawn.

The Silent Top Five: Bacon-Flavored Desserts

1) Bacon cheesecake.
2) Bacon gumballs.
3) Bacon ice cream.
4) Bacon-orange bars.
5) Bacon apple pie.

Standard Disclaimer

This is all in no way meant to incur copyright-infringement-related wrath. I'm harmless. I promise. Oh, and if you're offended by anything I may post herein, I guarantee I didn't mean to do so (unless, of course, you are a humorless prig. In which case, go right on and be offended, with my blessings.)